Sure, One Last Blog in 2009

I have to be honest, this entry is primarily to beef up my blog entries for 2009, pitiful though they are. In number that is, don't think I'm diss'n my own blog. Dissent, dissonant, dissident - spell check advises that diss'n is not a word. Intriguing choices.
I suppose the expectation is that this entry should reflect something of the passing of a year & the anticipation of the next. What have I accomplished, what should I admonish, what shall I promise, how will things change?
Should they change?
Expectation. Funny thing that. Yes, its good to have goals, to realize dreams, to want to ascend the imaginary (okay real) ladder. But is it not also alright to acquiesce to what never came to be? And why, oh WHY must we make the passing of each year the mark upon which to reflect. For some this is just an impossibility!
No? Just me? Okay fine.
Really, my mind doesn't seem to work this way. If it didn't occur this week or if it is not 20 yrs down the road in my life, I have no idea how to mark my (missed) accomplishments. And how can one possibly judge oneself in the past, not having known what one knows now. If I were clever enough, I would take this opportunity to let you all in on my little secret of 'success without stress'. However I ... "SQUIRREL!" (which was the only good line in the whole movie btw).

Lets see. Most of my so called accomplishments involves our child. Oh yes, I will almost always find a way to work the child into a blog entry. And why not, 'tis the time in my own life for focusing on such things. So, she's four, which reminds me of a funny sort of parody.
The average grown-up holds dear that when the clock turns from the last minute in the last year to the first minute in the next year, everything will magically change and a new beginning will shower us with unforeseen miracles. So it was with my daughter when she awoke on her fourth birthday. There she was, on birthday morning, laying in "the family bed" realizing what turning four could possibly mean for her & her world.
In the first moments of quiet wakefulness she whispers to herself, "Am I four now? I feel like I am four. I feel bigger...". And the day was filled with little statements of proof that she has, indeed, turned four and was not a three year old. Magically she could walk down the stairs one foot over the other without holding the railing (as opposed to limping down on the same foot, grasping the railing), she was most certainly taller that day than the previous day, and she definitely knew a whole lot more than when she went to bed the night before, as a three year old.
A living breathing fairytale.
I think that must be why I can't focus so much on the New Year's Resolution. For the past four years I have been living with, for, through a child. Everything is very much an in the moment experience. I must tell you, this is a fabulous way to live! There are constantly new adventures & challenges just around the corner, every minute of everyday. And throughout this journey of parenthood/childhood I have made more discoveries, had more epiphanies & attained more satisfaction than any resolution I have ever made at any time in my whole life. Being with the child has given me back the focus & direction I somehow lost and was searching for. Until then, I was inside a giant puzzle that I had no time or any idea how to put together ... ah but that is another blog entry for another day.
Life has been a collection of good & bad, ups & downs and so on. To confine it all into the span of a year does not do my journey justice.
Now if you please, I started this entry early in the afternoon & slipped away (from life) to add a line or two throughout the day & evening. At this point, all the words that were in my head evaporated with the goings on of the household (OH! which reminds me of another blog entry - the right way to run a household & raise a child according to one's landlord). And so, this entry has metamorphosed into something slightly different than what was initially intended, which, btw, is really how life is; something of a metamorphosis. Ah, right, no kidding Dana Wilde.
Nevertheless, during this morph, one might experience everything of one's dreams, or not. Sometimes going with the flow is what punctuates that change into something fulfilling. Expectation doesn't always lead you where you expect (profundity. again, another blog for another time).

Yeah, so this is starting to sound all over the place which means I will join the family in slumber, cuddling in the New Year through our dreams. Know that I love.

And Happy New Year ;-)